Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
