He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
