well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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