we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
