I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
