The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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