she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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