Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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