I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
