i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
i've created a new STD.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
