Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
