I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
