I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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