So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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