if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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