I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
