and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
