I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
