I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Randomize
