Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
