my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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