I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Randomize
