dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
