You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
