Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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