can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
