i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
