Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
This can only be settled by a dance off.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
