im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
