I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
