Duck Duck Cougar?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
