And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
