you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
