I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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