some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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