omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
