Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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