yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
