The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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