Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
