mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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