no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
tonight lets celebrate not being married
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Randomize
