We need to rekindle our bromance
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
