Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
