i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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