Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Holy shit dude........stairs
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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