ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
