I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
