i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
