i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
