Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
