Only a mothe r could love this liver
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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