his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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